it’s been a long time since I’ve thought about J and the way he made me feel.
but lately, it seems like every little thing reminds me of every little thing about him. everything he ever did.
sometimes I hear his voice.
other times, I smell his cologne. radiant, strong, sweet.
but recently, I feel his lips. everywhere I go. I never leave home without the sensation.
he’s come back and, at first, it was bittersweet. remembering him was lovely and it brought back wonderful memories of kissing at stop signs, smiling so hard my jaw ached, and hugging discreetly at work so we wouldn’t get caught. all these memories that would come flooding back to me and would make me smile now only make me upset.
I can’t imagine a life where I wasn’t in love with him, but sometimes I wish I could. I’ll never forget the way he made me feel when I was happy, but I’ll also never forget the way he made me feel when he hurt me.
I remember falling asleep on the phone, I remember nicknames, I remember pinches, I remember eyes adoringly longing for me, I remember smiles, I remember “I want you”s, I remember dares, I remember pinkie promises, I remember deep talks, I remember thinking he was the only one for me, I remember the day he kissed me for the first time, I remember bruised lips, I remember not sleeping for two days because he was all I thought of, I remember the car accident, I remember bail money, I remember the phone call, I remember the arguments, I remember the lies, I remember the “I missed you”s, I remember being out together and you had to call your girlfriend, I remember crying, I remember fighting, I remember screaming.
I remember leaving.
and I still miss the taste of your lips on mine.