For whatever reason, I am angry.
Not just right now, no. But all the time.
Do you remember when The Dark Knight Rises came out and in one very particular scene, Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character, John Blake, spoke about being angry “in your bones”?
I mean, I haven’t lost my parents.
I didn’t grow up in an orphanage.
I don’t have friends who have succumbed to the “underworld” of substance abuse, nefarious political agendas, gangs, or anything else.
I am merely angry.
Almost 90% of the time.
I try not to be.
I’m not violent or anything.
I’m just very angry.
I get irritated quickly to the point where I can go from zero to Satan in .5 seconds.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know this isn’t right. I know it’s pushing people, my friends, away…but I just get so angry so quickly I don’t want to be around anyone.
It’s gotten to the point where I find it difficult to filter the things I say-including those that seem to show no compassion to the people I’m closest to.
I struggle with being a complete asshole.
I sometimes say things I don’t mean and then wonder if I really meant them (hello, Freud). I struggle between deciding whether or not I sincerely care that I may have hurt someone’s feelings and, for the most part, I don’t care.
I just don’t care.