So, here is the dreaded post about Bandicoot Crumblebatch.
Well, more accurately, here is the attempt at rewriting the post about Bendystraw Crimplyback.
Basically I have been having this problem where I consistently think about Ben & Jerry’s Cotton Candy . And I’m not thatattracted to him. But recently I have been having what some might call
sex dreams about him. Okay, it’s not even that. It’s just…dreams with a sexy spin? If that makes sense?
If you don’t know who Bandaid Chowderpants is, allow me to inform you:
-he played Sherlock Holmes in the ever popular TV programme Sherlock. He is absolutely brilliant in this role and I’m quite proud of him. Additionally, I quite like the relationship between him and John (as portrayed by Martin Freeman). It’s really witty and wonderful. I, however, do not “ship” them. I think they’re lovely together but as best friends-possibly even brothers. Personally, I am a Sherlolly shipper. But that’s a completely different topic. I heavily recommend watching it AND for us American fans of the show, get ready for the S03 premiere on January 19th!
-He also played the Earth’s scariest villain, Khan, in the second of the recent Star Trek films, Into Darkness. Would he even be considered the Earth’s scariest villain or…? Perhaps the universe’s. Either way, he was excellent in it.
-He played someone in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy and it was lovely. I don’t remember the character nor do I remember much of the movie because it was slightly confusing and I wasn’t paying attention, but I remember it being really good. It probably would’ve been even better had I actually paid full attention.
-He played Julian Assange in that one movie, which I really want to see because it just looked really interesting.
-He also played Stephen Hawking.
He is really talented and, in case you didn’t know, he has the voice of a god. I wish the man could narrate my life.
He could read me the phone book and I would melt into a puddle of goo.
That’s the thing. I was never that attracted to him and now I find myself consistently thinking about him. And it’s always like…sexy dreams. But they’re never about Cucumberbitch as a whole. They’re almost always about Sherlock. If it makes sense, it’s like a Corncob/Sherlock mix.
It all started when I saw this gif on tumblr of him blowing bubbles. I thought to myself: He would probably be the world’s most sensitive kisser. This is probably where I was the least “sexual”.
He seems like the type of guy who would trace your body with his fingertips, ever so gently. He seems like the type of guy who would shower you with simple, sensitive kisses that would leave you tingling. You would be able to feel your skin pulsing in the same spots his lips just left. You would carry the feeling of his lips on your skin with you, never once being able to forget how it felt. He would probably kiss very romantic areas of your body, as well. He seems like the type of man who would kiss the crook of your elbow (don’t ask me why, but I find that romantic). He would kiss the backs of your hands, and he would kiss the nape of your neck. He wouldn’t do so hungrily nor would he do so teasingly. He’s enjoying it. Enjoying himself. Enjoying you.
Writing this now, it doesn’t even sound like myself. I’m not this type of person. I don’t do “romance” or little notions of love, but he (in the same way Tom Hiddleston does it) subliminally embodies all that is romance. He is seemingly very sweet, very well-mannered, and gentlemanly. He is kind of the epitome of a “gentleman”. This makes someone like me dream up what a life with someone like him would be like. This is where I get all these notions.
Benedict Cumberbatch would not make fun of you.
Benedict Cumberbatch would protect you. Even from yourself.
Benedict Cumberbatch would shower you with compliments.
Benedict Cumberbatch would support you.
Benedict Cumberbatch would love you.
This is such a cliche for me to discuss, but it’s beautiful. I’m not even a really big fan of his, but I can greatly respect him, and admire the way he is. It’s become a big problem how much my imagination has gotten away from me because now I have greater expectations from men.
I don’t even know what’s gotten to me.
What is happening to me?